dear diary..

	pwincezzxin
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June 2008

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100 things about ME+Don't Spread ;p
		05:58am 02/06/2008
	<sub>1) Name : Shryne A. Siglos 2) Name Backwards :enyrhs 3) Were you named after anyone? nooop 4) Does your name mean anything? Altar.. 5) Nick Name(s) : xin,i-ny, plej 6) Screen Name(s) : laceratedwrists 7) Date Of Birth : 10/05/89 8) Place of Birth : Queen City of the South, CEBU baby!! 9) Nationality : <b>Filipino</b>, and Proud of it! 10) Current Location : Again, the Queen City of the South(Philippines) Cebu 11) Sign : Libra 12) Religion : Roman Catholic 13) Height : 5'4" 14) Weight : 115 llb 15) Shoe Size : 8 - 8 1/2 ;p 16) Hair colour : black 17) Eye colour : dark brown 18) What do you look like? : like an acu\tual h uman being? 19) Innie or Outie? : Innie 20) Righty, Lefty, ambidextrous : Ambidextrous 21) Gay, Straight, Bi, or Other? : Bi 22) Best friend(s) : Mary-Win Paculanan, Keith Anuncio, Dex Araneta, Kathlyn Yañez, Christine Solis, Hassel Sapanta :) 23) Best friend you trust the most : KAt and Keith 24) Best friend {your sex} : Win, KAt, Hasses, xtine 25) Best friend of the opposite sex : Keith and Dex 26) Best Bud(s) : as mentioned above 27) Boyfriend / Girlfriend : don't have one.. <b>boooooooooooooooooooooooooooo</b> 28) Crush : My Bestie, Keith ;p 29) Parent(s) : Jonathan and Socorro 30) Worst Enemy : <b>Plastic</b> 31) Favorite on-line Guy(s): dunno? 32) Favorite on-line Girl(s) : dunner?? 33) Funniest friend : Kath!! haha 34) Craziest friend : Dex! 35) Advice Friend : Solis.. 36) Loudest Friend : KATH! 37) Person you cry with : Keith..haha -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do You Have... 38) Any sisters : Nop 39) Any brothers : yep 40) Any pets : a bird and a dawg 41) A Disease : noops.. 42) A Pager : noops.. does that stilll exist>?! i mean, really?? 43) A Personal phone line : yip.. 44) A Cell phone : Yip..sun and globe user! 45) A Lava lamp : noops 46) A Pool or hot tub : Pool ;p 47) A Car: Black eclipse.. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Describe Your... 48) Personality : Funny, outgoing, serious, a bit of everything?! 49) Driving : like crazy..but i guess that's an understaement ;p 50) Car or one you want : Black Eclipse, or anything black 51) Room : doesn't have a door..unique huh? 52) What’s missing? : A BOYFRIEND..OR girlfriend..;haha 53) School: University of Cebe - Banilad Campus 54) Bed : airbed.. 55) Relationship with your parent(s): suckz like hell.. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Do You... 56) Believe in yourself : SYIMPRE! 57) Do you believe in love at first sight? : of course ;p 58) Consider yourself a good listener : Absolutely 60) Get Along with your parents: noops.. 61) Save your e-mail conversations: sadly, yes..what's the point of having unlimited free space?? 62) Pray : before i sleep and after i wake ;p 63) Believe in reincarnation : hell yes ;p 64) Like to make fun of people: noops.. never do unto others what u don't want others to do unto you AMEN 65) Like to talk on the phone : Yip.. 66) Like to eat? : A LOT 67) Like to drive : HELL YEAH!! 68) Get motion sickness : thank God, noop.. 69) Eat the stems of broccolietchay broccoli?: why? is it not right?? 70) Eat Chicken fingers with a fork : noo!! where's the fun in that?! 71) Dream in color : yip ;p 72) Type with your fingers on home row : what do u mean exaactly? 73) Sleep with a stuffed animal: noop.. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ What Is...? 74) Right next to you : my fone..lol 75) On the walls of your room : none.. 76) On your mouse pad : just plain black mouse pad 77) Your dream car : Knight Rider!! 78) Your dream date: the one who'll sweep me off my feet ;p 79) Your dream honeymoon spot : Paris 80) Your dream husband/wife : Bradd Pitt - hell yeah, i'ma kill angelina jolie! but she's my idol so i guess that'll remain a dream ;p 81) Your bedtime : depends ;p 82) Under your bed : bags 83) The single most important question : <b>When the fuck will yourealize that i'm inlove with you?</b> 84) Your bad time of the day : eating time!! 85) Your worst fear(s): My Bestfriends going against me huhuh 86) The weather is like : so cold right now! 87) The time? : 9:58pm 88) The date? : june 2, 2008 89) The best trick you ever played on someone : forgot.. 90) The weirdest food or drink that you like : friend banana with catsup? 91) Theme Song : Forever - Damaged 92) The hardest thing about growing up : My Bestfried.. 93) Your funniest experience : calling someone in the crowd, actually chasign them down the street to actually realize that it wasn't him/her!! 94) Your scariest moment : night time, after watching saw.. thinking jigsaw actually exists..he's my idol tho, lol 95) The silliest thing you've said : no, not that left, your other left! hits head 96) The funniest or most desperate thing you've done to get the attention of the opposite sex? : none? 97) The scariest thing that's ever happened while with your friend(s) : ahmmmm..u wouldn't want to know.. 98) The worst feeling in the world : the love of your life running to you with tears in his eyes..complaining about this stupid girl who broke his heart..and tehre u are..ready to give him yours.. 99) The best feeling in the world : Love 100) 5 people you tag: kapoy tag! <a href=" [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<a [...] ><b>accepting">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] <sub>1) Name : Shryne A. Siglos <br>2) Name Backwards :enyrhs<br>3) Were you named after anyone? nooop<br>4) Does your name mean anything? Altar..<br>5) Nick Name(s) : xin,i-ny,  plej<br>6) Screen Name(s) : laceratedwrists<br>7) Date Of Birth : 10/05/89<br>8) Place of Birth : Queen City of the South, CEBU baby!!<br>9) Nationality : <b>Filipino</b>, and Proud of it!<br>10) Current Location : Again, the Queen City of the South(Philippines) Cebu<br>11) Sign : Libra<br>12) Religion : Roman Catholic<br>13) Height : 5'4"<br>14) Weight : 115 llb<br>15) Shoe Size : 8 - 8 1/2 ;p<br>16) Hair colour : black<br>17) Eye colour : dark brown<br>18) What do you look like? : like an acu\tual h uman being?<br>19) Innie or Outie? : Innie<br>20) Righty, Lefty, ambidextrous : Ambidextrous<br>21) Gay, Straight, Bi, or Other? : Bi<br>22) Best friend(s) : Mary-Win Paculanan, Keith Anuncio, Dex Araneta, Kathlyn Yañez, Christine Solis, Hassel Sapanta :)<br>23) Best friend you trust the most : KAt and Keith<br>24) Best friend {your sex} : Win, KAt, Hasses, xtine<br>25) Best friend of the opposite sex : Keith and Dex<br>26) Best Bud(s) : as mentioned above<br>27) Boyfriend / Girlfriend : don't have one.. <b>boooooooooooooooooooooooooooo</b><br>28) Crush : My Bestie, Keith ;p<br>29) Parent(s) : Jonathan and Socorro<br>30) Worst Enemy : <b>Plastic</b><br>31) Favorite on-line Guy(s):  dunno?<br>32) Favorite on-line Girl(s) :  dunner??<br>33) Funniest friend : Kath!! haha<br>34) Craziest friend : Dex!<br>35) Advice Friend : Solis..<br>36) Loudest Friend : KATH!<br>37) Person you cry with : Keith..haha<br>--------------------------------------------------------------------------<br>Do You Have...<br>38) Any sisters : Nop<br>39) Any brothers : yep<br>40) Any pets : a bird and a dawg<br>41) A Disease : noops..<br>42) A Pager : noops.. does that stilll exist>?! i mean, really??<br>43) A Personal phone line : yip..<br>44) A Cell phone : Yip..sun and globe user!<br>45) A Lava lamp : noops<br>46) A Pool or hot tub : Pool ;p<br>47) A Car: Black eclipse..<br>------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br>Describe Your...<br>48) Personality : Funny, outgoing, serious, a bit of everything?!<br>49) Driving : like crazy..but i guess that's an understaement ;p<br>50) Car or one you want : Black Eclipse, or anything black<br>51) Room : doesn't have a door..unique huh?<br>52) What’s missing? : A BOYFRIEND..OR  girlfriend..;haha<br>53) School: University of Cebe - Banilad Campus<br>54) Bed : airbed..<br>55) Relationship with your parent(s): suckz like hell..<br>------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br>Do You...<br>56) Believe in yourself : SYIMPRE!<br>57) Do you believe in love at first sight? : of course ;p<br>58) Consider yourself a good listener : Absolutely<br>60) Get Along with your parents: noops..<br>61) Save your e-mail conversations: sadly, yes..what's the point of having unlimited free space??<br>62) Pray : before i sleep and after i wake ;p<br>63) Believe in reincarnation : hell yes ;p<br>64) Like to make fun of people: noops.. never do unto others what u don't want others to do unto you AMEN<br>65) Like to talk on the phone : Yip..<br>66) Like to eat? : A LOT<br>67) Like to drive : HELL YEAH!!<br>68) Get motion sickness : thank God, noop..<br>69) Eat the stems of broccolietchay broccoli?: why? is it not right??<br>70) Eat Chicken fingers with a fork : noo!! where's the fun in that?!<br>71) Dream in color :  yip ;p<br>72) Type with your fingers on home row : what do u mean exaactly?<br>73) Sleep with a stuffed animal: noop..<br>------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br>What Is...?<br>74) Right next to you : my fone..lol<br>75) On the walls of your room : none..<br>76) On your mouse pad : just plain black mouse pad<br>77) Your dream car : Knight Rider!!<br>78) Your dream date: the one who'll sweep me off my feet ;p<br>79) Your dream honeymoon spot : Paris<br>80) Your dream husband/wife :  Bradd Pitt - hell yeah, i'ma kill angelina jolie! but she's my idol so i guess that'll remain a dream ;p<br>81) Your bedtime : depends ;p<br>82) Under your bed : bags<br>83) The single most important question : <b>When the fuck will yourealize that i'm inlove with you?</b><br>84) Your bad time of the day : eating time!!<br>85) Your worst fear(s): My Bestfriends going against me huhuh<br>86) The weather is like : so cold right now!<br>87) The time? : 9:58pm<br>88) The date? : june 2, 2008<br>89) The best trick you ever played on someone : forgot..<br>90) The weirdest food or drink that you like :  friend banana with catsup?<br>91) Theme Song : Forever - Damaged<br>92) The hardest thing about growing up : My Bestfried..<br>93) Your funniest experience : calling someone in the crowd, actually chasign them down the street to actually realize that it wasn't him/her!!<br>94) Your scariest moment : night time, after watching saw.. thinking jigsaw actually exists..he's my idol tho, lol<br>95) The silliest thing you've said : no, not that left, your other left! hits head<br>96) The funniest or most desperate thing you've done to get the attention of the opposite sex? : none?<br>97) The scariest thing that's ever happened while with your friend(s) : ahmmmm..u wouldn't want to know..<br>98) The worst feeling in the world : the love of your life running to you with tears in his eyes..complaining about this stupid girl who broke his heart..and tehre u are..ready to give him yours..<br>99) The best feeling in the world : Love<br>100) 5 people you tag: kapoy tag!<br><br><a href="<a href="http://laceratedwrists.deviantart.com/journal/"><b>Accepting">http://laceratedwrists.deviantart.com/journal/"><b>Accepting</a> Requests+Photo Editing+PS Actions </b></a><br><br><b>IMPORTANT! &#169; COPYRIGHT SHRYNE SIGLOS</b><br>The work contained in my gallery is copyrighted &#169;2007-2008 Shryne Siglos.<br>All rights reserved. My work may not be reproduced, copied,<br>edited, published, transmitted or uploaded in any way without my written permission. My work does not belong to the public domain.<br>If you doubt this, feel free to email me.<br><br><b>Here are some links Related to Me :D </b><br><a href="<a href="http://profiles.friendster.com/user.php">friendster">http://profiles.friendster.com/user.php">friendster</a> account</a><br><a href="<a href="http://www.myspace.com/thesuicidalpwincezz">myspace">http://www.myspace.com/thesuicidalpwincezz">myspace</a> account</a><br><a href="<a href="http://thepwincezz.imeem.com/">imeem">http://thepwincezz.imeem.com/">imeem</a> account</a><br><a href="<a href="http://thepwincezzshryne.multiply.com/">multiply">http://thepwincezzshryne.multiply.com/">multiply</a> account</a><br><a href="<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/laceratedwrists/">flickr">http://www.flickr.com/photos/laceratedwrists/">flickr</a> account</a><br> <!-- multiply:no_crosspost --><p class='multiply:no_crosspost'></p>
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you have no idea.
		11:34am 18/05/2008
	do you have any fucking idea how hard it is to be in love with your bestfriend?? how hard it is to actually control how you really feel when deep inside, emotions are threatening to abruptly explode? and do you have any clue as to how had it is to watch hime cry his heart over another girl who broke his heart, not having any idea as to what she has let go of? well i'll tell you what it feels like. it feels just like vinegar being poured upon your severed skin, you heart being crushed into tiny little itsy-bitsy pieces over and pver again without you even realizing it. it feels like acid being spilled upon your face, nails punctured unto your heart, like a thousand daggers plunging unto you all at once. that's what it feels like and it's no getting better as each day goes by. and it fucking hurts to know that i'm not gonna be any close to the girl of his dreams, that i'm not gonna be half as good as all the girls in his life were, not gonna be able to be the reason for the twinkle in his eyes. i gues this is how pathetic i'll be till i get over falling in love with my ficking bestfriend.
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happy anniversary, broken heart®
		08:07am 03/03/2008
	with just one look, i fall all over again, a predicament that seems to know no end. never been lovers, never been more than just friends, a mistake i remember very now and then. maybe it would have been beautiful, if only you'd have tried, you told me you LOVE ME, but then YOU LIED. but still i held on,. i wanted to bear the pain, the love and hurt was slowly driving me insane :( it's been years, yet it's still breaking my heart, i've never grown strong- all those years apart. and here you go again, making me cry and hurt and bleed, when will you ever stop, listen and pay attention to my need? will my love never be enough to make you happy? still not satisfied though i've set yo free? what's the point of closing my eyes when all i see is you? i've been hurt, i've been left alon, i've been blind, i've remained true.
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and yes, i still love him®
		08:06am 03/03/2008
	with just one look, i fall all over again, a predicament that seems to know no end. never been lovers, never been more than just friends, a mistake i remember very now and then. maybe it would have been beautiful, if only you'd have tried, you told me you LOVE ME, but then YOU LIED. but still i held on,. i wanted to bear the pain, the love and hurt was slowly driving me insane :( it's been years, yet it's still breaking my heart, i've never grown strong- all those years apart. and here you go again, making me cry and hurt and bleed, when will you ever stop, listen and pay attention to my need? will my love never be enough to make you happy? still not satisfied though i've set yo free? what's the point of closing my eyes when all i see is you? i've been hurt, i've been left alon, i've been blind, i've remained true.
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©in love with my clinical instructor..
		06:02am 23/01/2008
	will you take time to look at me please? i've fallen for you.. deep.. really deep.. i have to succumb to this hurting fact that you'll never be within my reach.. :( a social prejudice i have to hide from, a clamor of emotions that's hard to suppress.. an enigma i can never solve. you have given me a labyrinth that offers no escape. a secret i have to keep up to my grave.. i'm sorry to love you this way, sorry to have looked in your eyes and have been left entranced by it.. i love you, but you're never going to know how much..
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nervous to the highest level

08:14pm 19/12/2007

omigawd..
today is like the most unlucky day of entire life!
i am dilled with so much anxiety, with so much stress,
i don't know if i could deal with this anymore!
i hate feeling this,
i do not want to feel this anymore..
i want everything to be resolved asap!
waaaaaah=(

mood:

nervous

tags: anxious

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should i believe him?

06:19pm 17/12/2007

i am befuddled with these emotions i have right now...
i love him, i really do...
i just am in doubt if he feel the same way too..
he constantly tells me that he loves me,
and yet his actions are telling me otherwise...
i don't feel that important to him...
i don't feel it all..
words really are not enough...
he says i love you all the time, and yet he chooses his friends over me..
i mean, it's really that obvious...a single call or text from
his chums is enough for him to go after where they are,
but i, i have to go wherever he's at...
that isn't right and yet i still do it...
i hate this nagging feeling in my heart...
this confusion and torment...
i need to feel important, is that too much to ask for?

mood:

annoyed

tags: shryne confused

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suicidalbitch
		05:26am 24/09/2007
	i love these songs=]
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for in silence i find redemption..

10:04pm 27/08/2007

i just want to get this out of my system!!
i wish i was the one who utters that phrase 'i love you' to him..
i would have given up anything and everything just to be with him,
just to get him to love me too..
but he loves her..
and it's something i haved to face..
it's something i have to accept..

wow..
i mean, she's the total definition of perfection..
white porcelain skin, long black hair..you get what i mean..
but i doubt she can ever surmount this love i have for him..

gawd!! gian paollo p. maranga! i love you and you're never gonna know how much!
yeah i know, i said his name out loud..

i'm confident he'll never get to read this..
ever..

in fact, i know he won't even care if he ever gets to read this
*like hell if he does*

he'll just go brag about it to everyone else..
"hey guys, there's this girl who's just so madly in love me..check out her blog.."
blah
blah
blah..

but you know?!
hell do i care about what he thinks..

the bloody bastard..
rips my soul,
breaks my heart,
destroys my reputation...
for all i care, how much worse could things get?!

as if i'm not carrying havoc every single day here in my heart..

gawd, why is loving him so hard?!
and trying not to love him is twice the pain?!

but i love him nonetheless...

hear that mr.gian paollo p. maranga?!
I LOVE YOU!!

just stop tormenting me!!
i hate how you evade my thoughts so much!!!
God knows how hard i've tried to forget you!
but it's inevitable!
i love you every ounce of my soul,
every beat of my broken, lifeless heart,
every essence of my being,
every single cell in this fathomable body of mine!!

i don't need to kiss you to confirm what i feel..
i don't need to embrace you to know if you render the same care..
i don't need to know,
coz if i do,
more memories will haunt me...

and your face is enough to haunt me every waking and sleeping moment of my life..

gawd i love you..so bloody much..
gawd i would love to trade this emotion with hatred...

laugh all you want but i no longer give a damn..

what goes around comes around..</3

mood:

depressed

music: if you don't wanna fall - lespaul pineda

tags: esrayn

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scarlet tainted sheets..

12:49pm 27/08/2007

i dreamt about you last night..
you were holding me so tight,
embracing me as if tomorrow would not come..
then you cupped my chin and drew my lips close to yours..
before i knew what was taking place,
i was trapped in a passionate kiss that
gave me no room for a counter but to devour you with as much passion as you gave me..
you are my first kiss..
but i need no experience to delight you with this love i have inside..
you are my first kiss,
and it's a gift i willingly give up to you..
maybe i may end up giving more..
but it's only a dream..
and my lips are yet to be touched,
forever waiting for that moment
you'll take away the longingness in me
and just fill me with relentless valor.
with you i don't need to think twice.
just ask and i'll give it willingly.
i love you too much to keep you waiting.
i love you too much to make you ask.
i love you too much to let you go.

i love you too much to not share you with the one you really love

mood:

complacent

music: undercover lover - 3+

tags: esrayn

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Writer's Block: Time Travel

10:35am 25/08/2007

If you could travel back in time to spend a day with someone, who would it be and why?
-it'd be w/ gian paollo p. maranga..coz i never got the chance to be with him..evah..</3

mood:

satisfied

music: beautiful girls- jojo

tags: time travel day, writer's block

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when i saw him happy with her..i went suicidal

11:23pm 19/08/2007

oh my gawd..
it so so hurts..
i've seen that pic in unocountable times,
but it still so fucking hurts..
why does it hurt so bad?
deyng..
why can't i just stop loving him??
bulshit!
i love him and he's never gonna know how much!

mood:

sad

tags: esrayn

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IF YOU DON'T WANT TO FALL..
		09:52am 18/08/2007
	~~If you don't want to fall..~~ i could write a whousand songs.. i could site a thousand reasons we belong.. i could choose the perfect verse, but still be better left unheard.. i could say a thousand prayers, I could weave a thousand lies to make you care, i could live my life for you, i could even die for you... anthing you'd ask me to, i'd do but.. if, you don't wanna fall for me, you don't want to feel the need to be with me at all.. then there's nothing else i could ever do, no words i can say to you, to get me through the wall, if you don't want to fall.. if you'd just say it to my face, then maybe i can change and mend my broken ways, but everything is without use, if life is living without you... tell me what am i supposed to do.. if, you don't want to fall for me, you don't wanna feel the need to be with me at all.. then there's nothing else i could ever do, no words i can say to you, to get me through the wall, if you don't want to fall.. nothing's ever worth anything in my life, no more.. no one's gonna make me feel just like before.. nothing's gonna work, no one's ever ever gonna do! coz there's no one else but you! But if, you don't want to fall for me, don't wanna feel the need to be with me at all.. then there's nothing else i could ever do, no words i can say to you, to get me through the wall, if you don't want to fall.. if, you don't wanna fall for me, don't wanna feel the need to be with me at all.. then there's nothing else i could ever do, no words i can say to you, to get me through the wall, if you don't want to fall.. if you don't want to fall..</3
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Writer's Block: Trading Spaces

09:47am 18/08/2007

If you could be another person for a day, who would it be and why?
-i'd want to be the guy who borke my heart into tiny pieces, cause i'd want to know the reason why he did the things he'd done..for he never really explained..he just left me there hanging..how cool is that?</3

mood:

calm

tags: another person, writer's block

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crude enigma

08:36pm 17/08/2007

"hiding behind the truth to deny reality"
-pwincezz xin

he was always there when i needed him. he was sweet to, and to everyone else as well. but who could blame me for not resisting? he was there whenever i told him i was feeling sober. and he NEVER failed to listen. he NEVER left me hanging. i cried, and yet he didn't mind. he is everything i ever needed. he was everythng i wanted and more.
but.
he's my best friend.
and that alone concludes my predicament.
i have fallen into a pit far deeper than anyone could fathom. everyone thinks that it'll just pass.
that it'll eventually die off.
that it's just stage of bewilderment.
but it won't.
i won't let it.
not now that i have fallen in love with him, and it's something i am not proud to admit.
but i have.
i just did.

yes i am wanting nothing mire than what he could offer, but i i need to sedate this ache that i am feeling once more.

don't i deserve to be loved in return?</3

location: cebu

mood:

confused

tags: bestfriend

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SOBER

08:18pm 17/08/2007

"silence hurts so much more than the truth"
-pwincezz xin

where can i ever go to get away from the pain of loving you? unfathomable hurt that just seems to torment my soul and brittle my heart every sing day? just when i thought i've dried my tears up and ready to start anew, the ache goes again and linger all over my body. i was afraid this time would come. i could no longer distinguish love from hate. two emotions i never thought i could feel so strongly at the the same time in my young age, and has gripped my soul since that day i found him. pain i never thought i could feel in my young age has filled every part of me, and just won't wash away.

i have tried suicide. the pills, the bleeding-the intentional laceration of both my wrists. i have tried the most morbid of them, but unfortunately failed. what more should i go through to become happy for once in my wretched life?

mutual love was all ever wanted. to be loved by him. instead, by loving him, i have found an eternity of torment and affliction. decadent days have begun. didn't they all say that love would give you strength to carry on whatever thing you find hard? but why have i grown weaker by the second?

i love him despite the fact that he chose her over me. i love him despite the fact that i am, and perhaps will always be, his second choice. but i have to move on. he should have rampaged it to my face, and not through some stupid text message.

yes, he is the love of my life, the essence of my breathing and the reason for my downfall. that will always be ebbed in my heart. but no, i have to love again to defeat him. i must show to him that he is not the only person capable of deceit. i too can love someone else though he fills every depth of me. i can find someone who will love me the way i wanted to be loved by him. i will be sombody's first choice. maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. but someday, someday.

location: cebu

mood:

crushed

music: sober

tags: sober

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Disclaimer of Love--it so sucks!!

07:42pm 17/08/2007

"i would rather get lost in the future than be trapped in the past"
-pwincezzxin

Love, a four letter word that is too short to define the deep emotion it stands for, but too long to spell out. an enigma that can never be solved. a predicament that shall forever remain a mystery. an emotion that can overwhelm so many, but will overwrought most. a complicated puzzle that seeks no peace. a powerful sentiment that can turn into hate in a matter of seconds. a never ending poem of pain and mystery.

if only i could strike cupid with his own arrow so he would know how painful it is when engaged in this so-called emotion, love. little does he know cupid know how many times i have dried my eyes from tears that falls with no limitation. yes, love has captivated many and has inspired most. if love could define so much emotion, then why am i not feeling it too? can i not also be loved in return by the very person my heart beats for? can i not also be needed in return by the very reason of existence? perhaps a line should be drawn for such matter, that we could love the person who loves as just as much or even more, cause no matter how deep i tend to love him, he just won't bother to love me back..

love, as they all say, could move mountains. if so, then why couldn't i even move him to love me? love could give you that mirth that would seem so unimaginable. then why am i mourning every single day? love will come your way when you are most ready. but why come if it's not meant to stay?

i do not mean to denounce and eradicate the ambiguous term of joy that has become synonymous with love. i am only trying to testify that love has also become a synonym of pain. we often forget that not everything in this world holds a happy ever after. we have been blinded by these many fairy book titles of a prince charming for every girl,
a knight in shining armor for every damsel in distress. sometimes, we are hurt by the very person we would live our life for and would even give up to. we fight for someone who doesn't even give a damn about us, or if not, they care for us, make us feel that we are special to them but in the end, they turn their backs to us and pretend that we never existed, nonetheless, make us feel we were never part of something special in their life. love has become unfair to most of us,and yet, most people who are giving the best of their love, are the very people who are not loved in return-blinded by the deep passion they have no choice but to hide, forever unexpressed. existing for a person who is born for someone else.

but love will only wrought us if we allow it to. it is up to us if we let that person's memories haunt us forever. it is up to us if we would want to be forever drowned by painful reminisces. in the end, we are the bearers of our own actions. love will trap us if we would want to be locked in.

location: cebu

mood:

aggravated

tags: esrayn

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